Friday, January 16, 2009

Double your fun!

My friend offered me a piece of gum and lo! ... Chicago was being represented! I accepted the gum and waxed poetic about great times at Cubs games and the bars in Wrigleyville. Of course, a real baseball game in the United States is something many foreigners know about only from the movies. I faked any enthusiasm in the sport pretty convincingly... so much so that i almost had a craving to watch a game. Almost.

Pretty soon i got distracted by the instructions on the back of the wrapper. Instructions for gum. See for yourself.

Since i cannot read the characters, and since having them translated would ruin the mystery for me, i am forced to offer my own rough translation.

Step 1. Lips
Do involve Lips in the process. Do slightly part your lips and allow gum to pass to the mouth. Do not insert gum into any other part of body.

Step 2. Paper
Do hold the paper between your index finger and thumb to properly read Step 3.

Step 3. Dunk
Do slam dunk newspaper into basket. Do use both hands. Do wear hammer pants.

The bottom line probably just congratulates you for successfully enjoying a stick of gum, and demands you do it again immediately to continue being a good consumer.


p.s. Bonus picture from a friends camera... last night in Boulder.

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