Saturday, October 9, 2010

Cleatus and Trixie Get Hitched

Ken's birthday was a week ago, but we got together and threw him a redneck party on saturday. It was one of the best random costume parties in Beijing so far. Everyone got into character, spoke in a southern accent, and used plenty of white trash slang. Please read the remainder of this post in a southern accent... think Forrest Gump.

Howdy Folks! This here's a story about me, Cleatus. As you can see, i'm a handsome man, but none too bright. I ain't never won no awards fer thinkin and my momma never did send me for no book learnin. My wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead.

Sure, maybe my dental hygiene is about as advanced as an outhouse, and my breath smells about as bad... but, errr, hmmm. Forgot what i was sayin.

Anywho, this here's my girl, Trixie. She's a right purdy thing, cuter than a sack o' puppies.

Well, as y'all can see from that there photograph, i done gone and knocked her up. We's both dumber than a box of rocks. But that's fine, we's gonna get married! Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, Imma gonna havta plan a wedding! Imma gonna be busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor.

First we took us some purdy engagement pictures.

Then we call up our friends and Trixie gets her best girls over to be her bridesmaids. That there is Destinina and Leigh with my purdy fiance. That's french.

Destinina's handy in the kitchen too. She whipped up a fine batch of grits for the wedding party.

We went down to the gettin place and got some drinks. Our friends got together lickety split and we done got tore up.

Trixie is with child, so i only let her drink the nice tequila and smoke filtered cigarettes. I's gonna be a good baby daddy. I keep telling Trixie if she keeps getting drunk and fallin down, our baby's gonna come out uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits. She ain't just dumb, she also stupid. But i still loves her.

We's gonna have ourselves a honeymoon. Imma take my baby girl and our baby to the monster truck show, then we gonna go to Put Put.


1 comment:

The Tao said...

oh my god this is epically good